I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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