Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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