3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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