Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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