Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's blow job season.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
