ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
