there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
