so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
