and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
