Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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