Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
