alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
