I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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