it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
