as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
