I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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