It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
