I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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