Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize