YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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