So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
