too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize