Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want her autograph on my taint
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
