Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
