Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
