just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My pussy is not your playground.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
