I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
