my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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