I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
