neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
