My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
