I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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