wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
