Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
