I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
