forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As shirtless as possible
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone came in the potted fern
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
