I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
