I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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