Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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