Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
