Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize