nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
