I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
