Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
