I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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