he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
