Just fell off a train. Bad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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