So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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