: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
