I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
