her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
