just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
