If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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