and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
