Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
tell me about the eggs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
