Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
