Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Semen is not good for contacts.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
