Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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