Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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