it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
