She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
