the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize