my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
