I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COCAINE IS GR8
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
